The Challenge of Free Will

 Travis and I have been married now for 7 1/2 years. I am not one of those people who believes there is one person out there for everyone, I tend to think there are many people one could marry and be happy with. That being said, I do not know if there is anyone else out there who would fit together so perfectly with me as Travis does. Yes, we are different, complete opposites in most things, but on the things that count we are dead on together most times. It is because of this blessing that I believe that God knew me, and he knew Travis, and he put us together because he had a special and unique purpose for us and our family.

 In our marriage we have gone through some challenging events, but we have also had some amazing blessings, such as our three precious little girls! Having children has really opened my eyes to Gods love. It's an unconditional love that you feel no matter what they do! At the end of the day, you love them and they love you. It is during my children's baby dedications that I felt Gods sovereignty and my utter lack of control in this life. Before that I would say, God I am willing, but then get fearful that He would ask me to do something I didn't want to or that He might take a child or Travis away, so even though I said our life was his I wasn't really surrendering to him at all! I liked my comfortable life, I liked going day to day without dramatic things happening. But really, God is in control, and whether I surrender my life to him or not he can still do as he chooses, and its much more beneficial for myself and my family that we submit to him. I took their dedications very seriously, I was saying not my will but yours Lord. That means whatever was to happen, it was in his hands and I was willing to give him that right in their lives. It makes me think of the story of Abram/Abraham. I am always challenged by the many struggles he went through and how he remained so faithful to God.

God asked Abram to take his family and move to an unknown country and Abram followed God's instructions (huge challenge in itself).  He watched Pharaoh make Sarai to be his wife (I can't imagine how hard THAT must have been). Then Abram rescues Lot, but he denies praise and gives it to God and will accept no reward because of an oath he made to God.  Because of his faithfulness God promises him many children (the guy is 99 years old) and God also changes his name to Abraham. The story goes on and on, and then it gets me. He finally had a son, named Isaac, and God asks him to take his son (his only son) go to Moriah and sacrifice him there as a burnt offering. Abraham got up the next morning saddled his donkey got his son and off they went. When they got there they chopped wood and he and Isaac walked up the hill. On the way Isaac asks his Dad, "the fire and the wood are here, but where is the lamb for the burnt offering? " To which Abraham replies "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son" When they got to the alter he then tied up his son and laid him on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son, but just then the angel of the Lord stopped him. He said "Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son." They found a ram to sacrifice and their story goes on.

I hear this story and want to weep. I am reminded I am selfish, in the fact that I want to keep my family to myself. And I am an idoliter, in that I am almost positive I couldn't do that, so therefore I am choosing to put my family before God. The hard part in all of this, is God spoke to Abram, and he knew exactly what he was being asked to do. As much as there are times I know what God is asking of me, there are also those times when I am not sure. Sometimes I think God just doesn't care, we could do this or we could do that. Neither are dishonoring to him but he gives us the choice. These are the times that I question everything.  The challenge comes when I want to line up my selfish desires with what I think is most "kingdom bringing". I know that if from now to the day I died I did nothing extravagant for God he would still love me. And yet that is not enough for me. If anything, that fact makes me want to do more for him. But it comes down to the question am I willing? If I give Jayden fruit snacks, she has every right to eat them all. She is not expected to do anything but eat them, but if she looks at her sister and with a loving heart chooses to share them with her, it warms my heart. And even though she wasn't expected to do that, she chose to. I want to warm my heavenly fathers heart, and yet because I am human will always feel the battle between doing what I want and putting others before myself. The balance, for me, is a hard one to find at times.

I came across this post by Peter Horrobin the other day and it really spoke to me so I thought I would share.

“Can you tell me how to fully surrender to the Lord? I have read Andrew Murray’s book Fully Surrendered a long time ago, but it was a thing that seemed too hard or it seemed I was not ready. I don’t think we’re ever really ready. I have some very hard consequences in my life now and it seems that to really hear from the Lord I need to know that I am all the way in with him. I need his protection and words of wisdom in my life. If you read this please write me something.”

For the past few days, these words have been going round and round in my mind as I have been wrestling with how to answer the question. Many books have been written on this and similar subjects, and I could possibly add a few thousand words of my own, but I really sensed that the writer of the question wasn’t looking for a long theological answer, but a practical response which really works in the everyday activities of normal life!

So, at risk of sounding simplistic, I’m going to make the answer brief and to the point and say, One step at a time! Now that may sound terribly obvious, but in my experience, it is the terribly obvious things that often get overlooked, especially when people try to look for a comprehensive answer, that will cover all possible situations and types of people.

There is only one place you can start from in your search for a solution – and that’s the place where you now are. And there is only one way you can move from where you now are – and that’s one step at a time. You cannot suddenly find yourself a few years down the road of life, or even a few weeks down the line, with all your problems solved – you can only live today’s moment – none of us can live life in any other way!

So, ultimately, the answer to the question is a little like the Chinese proverb which says: the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. And when that single step has been repeated many, many times you will discover you’ve travelled a thousand miles from your starting place.

So, if your spiritual objective is to live a fully surrendered life, don’t try and imagine what that might look like and then try and live up to the spiritual image you may have conjured up in your imagination, because you cannot get from where you are now to that longed for destination in one big step! So stop imagining what the end-result may be and only think about the next step – for that’s the most important step in the whole of your life – get that one right and then you can think about the next one, and the next one, and the next one and so on!

Tomorrow’s miracle is always built on the foundation of today’s obedience – and that’s the most important key of all to living that fully surrendered life. Today’s obedience will always lead you in the right direction. I don’t know any people that might fit the category of living a fully surrendered life who got there in one big step. It was always a fruit of determined perseverance, looking to the Lord for His direction about each and every step of the way.

So, having made your decision that you want Jesus to be Lord of every area of your life, simply review every step you make, one at a time, before Him. If you’re not sure what to do, wait until you are. The peace of God will guide you. God does speak to His children. One of the reasons why I wrote Ellel 365 was to help people get to the place where they would be able to know and recognise the voice of the Lord, so that each step they take will be in God’s direction for today – and having made that step we can then leave the consequences with him as we review the next one.

Holiness isn’t delivered by angels, like food from a fast-food outlet! It grows on and in us as we make the right choices on a daily basis. There are very few big decisions in life, only lots of small ones. But when you’ve made lots of right small decisions you will be surprised at how significant are the consequences of the journey you’re on.

A great artist looks at a blank canvas and then meticulously covers it with tiny brush strokes. You may look at the finished work and stand in total amazement at what you now see. But even though you can see the whole picture in its finished state, the painting is not made with one magnificent, artistic gesture, through which the whole image suddenly comes into view. It takes thousands of single brush strokes – one at a time – in the hand of a master artist to create the finished image.

And each one of us is like an artist’s brush – with it we place a blob of paint on the picture of our life. But when THE Master has hold of the brush, and we allow him to decide where the blob of paint will go, then we can be confident that out moment by moment surrendering to Him will one day give other people the impression of what a fully surrendered life looks like!